Memories of Dad

 

Memories of Dad 

Every now and then something is shared at a funeral that transcends the moment. Most funerals are special times of gathering and grieving for family and friends. They also can be profound times of worship where we encounter God in a new way. This is what happened at Gary Heasley’s funeral. His daughter Erin Leonardi, shared what follows and many were moved by her words.

I’m sharing this with you for 2 reasons: First, some of you may not have known Gary. He had been a part of SMC for the last 6 years. He attended SMC with his wife Lorraine faithfully for 2 years then changes came. Erin gives us a colorful picture of who her dad was and it’s good for us to know Gary too.

The greater reason I share this is from page 3 on she shares with incredible honesty her and her families struggles. Yet also how God has been in the midst of it all-and how she has been blessed even by her brokenness. I hope you are blessed as well by this testimony of truth and love. -tm

 

Good morning. On behalf of my family, I would like to thank each of you for being here today, whether that is in person or watching the service online. Some of you knew my father very well, and others are here to support our family. I would like to share with you a little about my dad, Gary.

Dad was born in 1937 and raised in Jeannette, PA; a town about 30 minutes east of Pittsburgh. As a boy he enjoyed some typical activities like participating in the boy scouts, shooting his Red Ryder BB gun, building and racing his Soap Box Derby car, and earning a little money by raising rabbits and chickens. As a young man, Dad began working at a young age at a local garage. Even as a young man, he was a hard worker, a characteristic that would be defining for my dad. His first “job” in a garage was fitting for Dad’s love of cars, which would be a life-long interest.

After graduating high school in 1955, Gary worked for Elliot Company in Jeannette, as a foundry control clerk until he left for basic training in April of 1958.  Dad served four years in the US Air Force, spending most of his time at March Air Force Base in California where he served as a mechanic crew chief  and crewed the Douglas C-47 Gooney Bird and the B-52. During his time at March, Gary continued to express his love of cars by participating in a car club on base. This group built several cars, one of which was featured in Hot Rod magazine and another drag race car that raced against drag racing pioneer Don Garlits.

In 1962, Dad completed his service with the Air Force and enrolled in California University of PA, earning his bachelors degree in industrial arts education. Dad spent the next 30 years teaching the students of Norwin School District in Irwin, PA industrial arts and serving as the cooperative education coordinator. During this time, he touched many lives as an educator. In addition to his classroom teaching, dad also served as advisor to several clubs and organizations such as the AV crew, stage crew and photography club. Over the years I can remember going to work with dad and meeting his students. From about 4^th grade on, I would go into work at least 1 day a year with dad and “help” him with his classes.

 I had a step stool in his wood shop and would work on my own project while his students did theirs. I recall the variety of projects that his students could pick from in wood shop; everything from a cutting board, to a gun rack, to something more complex like a shelf of small table. For the students who were more advanced or interested, he would often work with them to design their own project. Even as a kid I remember how nice the projects were and suspect that there are former students who still have a project from shop class.

For those that worked with my dad, or had him for a teacher, they would recall his dedication to hard work and his desire for others to work to the best of their ability. He had a way of drawing that out of others.

 Dad also made sure to sprinkle life lessons into his classes and time with students; many would remember being taught how to shake hands on the first day of class. I recall being jealous of how much time dad spent at school with “his kids” – hours after school for the AV or stage crew. Hours at home grading, or working on something “for work.” Whatever my dad committed to, he was “all in” so to speak and always wanted to do his best. Most of all, he was passionate about his students and helping them do their best.

Dad used his skills to run a side business with a fellow teacher, Ron Kallenborn. Dad and Ron built many additions, decks, and garages in our hometown area; often for fellow teacher friends. Their workmanship was well known and both men were very particular about details and making sure it was a job well done.

Between teaching and projects around the house, dad had a love for cars. As a family we would spend time attending car shows. Dad owned a 1931 Model A Tudor Deluxe Sedan, but appreciated cars of all kinds – even hot rods. We have fond memories of attending various shows with our good friends the Ferri’s and dad also enjoyed guys trips to Hershey, PA with his buddy Vince. For those of you that didn’t grow up around cars, let me give you a few tips:

1.      Look don’t touch

2.     Never step on a running board

3.     Please do not lean on anyone’s car!

4.     And needle nosed plyers work great to straighten out the grill of a Model A – yes, he was that particular.

Outside of cars, dad’s other interests were fishing and woodworking. Mom and dad spent many years taking various fishing trips (before Erin!) and enjoying camping in their truck camper. Dad shared his love of fishing with several different men and spent a fair amount of time on the water with his friend Ed. Like a brother to dad, Ed had a friendship that developed while working together at Norwin. Ed would invite my dad, and eventually mom, to Conneaut Lake, PA to spend time in Ed’s summer family home.

These fun trips sparked a life-long dream to eventually build a home there in order to enjoy his “golden years.” In 1996, my parents broke ground on our lake house. Mom and dad labored tirelessly to work on much of the house themselves. They had the opportunity to share the lake house with friends over the years, creating memories of boat rides on the lake and games on the porch. Our family enjoyed swimming, fishing, boating, and sharing this with friends and family. Conneaut holds a special place in our hearts we will forever treasure the memories made there – as my Uncle Ed would say, “we’re living the dream.”

Dad just wasn’t just the sum of his various jobs, but he was a man of strong character, faith, and a tireless work ethic.

He would do anything for you, and was often serving others whether at school, church, or around our house. I’d like to think I learned a little something from him over the years.

I have wonderful memories to hold on to when it comes to my dad. But, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t all perfect either. Many of the very characteristics dad was known for – his perfectionism and work ethic, became the very things we fought about as I grew older. I struggled with the attention his work and students got instead of time spent with mom and I. Dad was kind of famous for his phrase “you can’t do that!” and I would get so fed up with being told I wasn’t doing this right because it wasn’t dad’s way.

 I didn’t want to be one of dad’s students, I just wanted to be loved as his daughter. As I grew older, and even after I got married, dad struggled to let go and often interjected his opinions and insistence that things be done “his way.” We had some rough years folks, as father and daughter. I struggled to discern how to follow God’s call to love my father in the midst of our challenging relationship.

By this point, Russ and I had married and welcomed Sam into our lives.  I was learning how to be a wife and mother, and feeling challenged on how I related to my father. As Sam continued to grow, and I continued to see how much like my father I was, God allowed me to see how my dad might have struggled as a parent. I realized that dad made mistakes as a parent, spouse, father in-law and grandpa. More importantly I realized that God’s love covers those mistakes. My faith calls me to forgive; and I came to peace with my father several years ago. God knew what he was doing, too, because without that peace, these last 8 or so years would have been unbearable.

As many of you know, dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about 8 years ago. Mom and dad were still living in Jeannette, and from a distance I could see the changes happening in dad. 6 years ago, we made the decision to sell the Jeannette house and relocate mom and dad to a condo here in Ohio. Just 1 year later we would make the difficult decision to sell the Conneaut Lake house. Dad’s bladder cancer would return and his Alzheimer’s progressed. Within another year, mom and I had to make the decision to seek assistance with dad’s daily care by placing him in Brookdale Clare Bridge Alzheimer’s and Dementia unit.

 Everyone’s Alzheimer’s journey is different, and dad’s wasn’t an easy one. Certain parts of his brain functioned normally, giving both him (and others) the perception that things were “normal” while other parts of his brain were impaired resulted in memory loss and behavior characteristics that were challenging to deal with. The last four years were so difficult for dad, as he knew he was progressing in his Alzheimer’s and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He prayed regularly for God to call him home.

As a family, we have been grieving dad for several years. We grieved memories lost for dad, we grieved aspects of dad’s life that his disease progression took, and we grieved family experiences missed with dad. I struggled as his daughter to feel like I was doing “enough” and other times lamented the burden of this disease progression. This journey was exhausting for dad and at times for our family.

But, in the end, I want to tell you something. I share these difficult moments not because I want to disrespect my dad. That is not my intention. Too many times we compare ourselves to others, looking at only the glorified good. Let’s be honest folks. We’re broken, each and every one of us. My dad was a broken man, just like I too am broken (my mom, husband and son will attest to this!).

 I realized that my relationship with dad was broken, too. The only thing that healed that brokenness was our shared faith. God allowed me to see how much my father loved me, my mom, Russ and Sam; regardless of whatever struggles we had as a family. Mom and dad both raised me in our faith and love of Christ. It is that very faith that enabled me to reconcile my relationship with dad and love him.

This last month has been challenging. But I can tell you that as I sat with dad at Brookdale, something became very clear to me. We can love each other in spite of our brokenness, and perhaps we can love each other more BECAUSE of our brokenness. Dad looked at me one evening as I was spooning him some chocolate milkshake and he said, “it’s like feeding a baby, Erin.” I patted him on the shoulder and said, “some things come full circle, dad. You took care of me for years, and now it’s my turn.” That night was the last night we would have a coherent conversation. After his milkshake dinner, we tried to talk about how I could fix the finish on his “guest log” (the wooden log you saw in the foyer that was taken from our lake home). I could see the log was drying out and needed some attention, and in the past dad would know what to do. So, I tried to ask him.

He wasn’t sure at first, but with some prompting and work at recalling things dad agreed that I should put some Tung oil on the log to take care of it. We spent the rest of the evening looking over photos from the lake album and reminiscing about times gone by; it didn’t matter that we had gone over the very same photo album the night before. The next day, mom and I would not be allowed to visit dad due to COVID19. We would go nearly 3 weeks before we could see dad again, as he came closer to being called home to heaven.

Folks, I choose to remember the good memories as well as the struggles. My dad loved his family and friends dearly, and I challenge you to love each other BECAUSE you are broken not just in spite of being broken. Seek the love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who is the one who enables this kind of love. I’ll miss you Dad.